i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
