if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
