oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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