we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
