He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
