Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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