im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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