i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
