You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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