I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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