She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
