I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
