is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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