im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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