i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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