some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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