the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
