yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
