Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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