wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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