if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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