I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
