No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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