quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
