She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
