Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
