She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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