Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
