I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
