I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
