I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
