i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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