You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize