Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
