none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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