i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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