I'm so fucking centered right now
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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