Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
