I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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