my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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