dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
