yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
