He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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