Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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