i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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