Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
