we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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