That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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