when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
