I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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