Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
