these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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