I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
