i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
