i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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