She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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