Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
