Your face is a jimmy john
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
