were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
