Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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