everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
