Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
