Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
