Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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