bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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