I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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