I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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