I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
