My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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