I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The police scanner is talking about you again....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
