Having a random hookup so left but love u
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
