I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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