I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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