I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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