He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
