Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
