How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
