So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
