I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
